Health, or ability, in this case is a strange thing. You never really appreciate it is there until it's not. I suppose this is the case with most things, but somehow it seems all the more so with health. You take it for granted. It is. It always has been. And mostly, you think, it always will be. And then, quite unexpectedly, it disappears and all of a sudden your left with a gaping hole where once something was, which you never really even noticed before, but now it is not.
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For the last two weeks I've been partially deaf in my left ear. Moderately-severe according to Google. My Ear, Nose and Throat doctor didn't tell me this, but I saw my audiogram and then googled what it meant. I have become the patient I used to despise - googling for answers that, for whatever reason, my doctor chose not to answer. But I digress. What I thought was a fairly normal, albeit severe, middle ear infection ended up leaving a mark on my inner ear (the bit that does the hearing). I knew that something was wrong, but it was only confirmed on Monday when I had my first audiogram. Essentially I had lost the ability to hear high frequency tones in my left ear.
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But what did this actually mean? Most obviously, and ironically, it meant that everything low pitched sounded louder as my brain registered low tones and not high. I found walking along the street an overwhelming experience - too much noise and the traffic sounded different - I was no longer able to hear the tell-tale clatter of trams passing, car engines sounded like a deafening rumble. I would look at people having a conversation on the street and only hear half their words. At home I couldn't hear the water boiling on the stove. When having a conversation I would purposely stand to the left of the group so that my right ear (the good ear) could do the listening. I struggled to hear conversations when there was any background music.
So on Monday I embarked on a salvage attempt. A daily anaesthetic infusion which aims to 'quieten' the sympathetic nervous system and allow the inner ear time to heal. Every day this week I have woken up and wondered if my ear has healed. I've listened for the water boiling on the stove, analysed the sound of the traffic on my way to work. I have been grateful that it is "just" my hearing, and not my balance, or my sight. I have pondered what it would be like to live like this, forever. I have, on occasion, wished, that everyone could experience this loss to know what it is to hear. Really hear. I have also paid attention to my other senses - my eyes, touch, taste and been grateful that they are there without knowing what it is to loose them.
Yesterday, I thought I heard the trams and I smiled.
Today, this morning, I had another audiogram. The ringing in my ear remains, but my hearing has improved, neigh, it is almost normal again.
My health is back and I couldn't be happier.
Have a lovely weekend. ox
All images from www.weheartit.com - 1. Guilhemabarf 2. Brock Lefferts 3. JeanBroc 4.Sophie 
