Round Here

The move, from Berlin to my parents in Melbourne and then up to Canberra has been gruelling. Turns out that babies don't "do" change very well and my sweet, sweet girl has been giving us the round around.  I've had a few people ask me where I am. I'm here but at the moment all my physical and emotional energy is going into E. In amongst the nursing, rocking, feeding, shh-ing and playing (yes, there's a bit of that too) I've been etching out some time to work on a jumper that I'm knitting for my Dad. A line here, a line there it's slow going but with worsted weight wool it knits up relatively quickly making me feel like at least I'm achieving something.

We're still without furniture but I have plans for a few simple Christmas decorations that I might share here if I get the time. Oh, and I also recently won a knitting book, Bambeanies from Wooly Wormhead, which even contains a hat named Emilia. Yep, I plan to share that one with you here too. When I get the time.

Four months

A lot can happen in a month...

You can find your hands.
You can take a big breath and turn something you've been dreaming about into a reality.
You can learn to stick fingers in mouths and laugh when you make yourself choke.
You can pack up a house.
You can buy flights and hope that your little girl will be a good traveller.
You can find your voice and delight your parents with your 'talking'.
You can say goodbye to two years of memories, two years of friends and a European winter.
You can meet two aunties for the first time.
You can spend 30 hours in airports and airplanes and fall, jetlagged, into the arms of a waiting family.
You can say Hello Australia!.. Home for the next little while.

Yep, it's been a big month. Too big for blogging. Too many decisions and plans and then boxes and suitcases and goodbyes and hellos and in amongst it all our little girl has been growing into a big baby with a voice and hands and a strong personality bursting to get out.

I've missed this space. I'll be back. Soon.

Sleep

I'm a good sleeper. Really good. So good in fact that I'm probably a little too good. On a bad night it takes me five minutes to get to sleep. On a good night, I'm asleep almost before my head hits the pillow. I've even been known to fall asleep mid-conversation, at the dinner table and once, just once, while standing up listening to a midnight mass. I was the girl at uni who always fell asleep in class. When the sleep-bug hits I'm a goner.  It's safe to say I have very little understanding of the difficulties some people have in getting to sleep. 

 But I am learning, and quickly. Emilia is sleep resistant.  Catch her at the right time and it takes half an hour for her to calmly and quietly drift off to sleep.  And this is after she's been fed, changed, swaddled, given her sleep toy, has her dummy and has her Mama or Papa sitting quietly by her side.

I kind of feel sorry for the kid. Kind of. A little bit. Although there are times when I'm reminded of that book by Adam Mansbach.  You can listen to Samuel L. Jackson narrating it here. It'll make you laugh, particularly if you're just a little bit sleep deprived.

White Noise

You know how babies are supposed to all go crazy at around 5pm and grizzle and feed and sulk for a few hours before popping off to bed? Well, Emilia does it in the morning. From 7am to midday she snacks constantly, cat-naps, grizzles and occassionally sleeps. Not infrequently I find myself at midday half dressed and emotionally drained from all the nursing, swaddling, cooing, shh-ing, rocking and loving that I have to do to get her to calm down. In the afternoon she's an angel - all smiles and cute baby stuff - but she's a Gremlin in the morning.

But I'm on to her, or at least my sister is (thank god for big sisterly advice). She recommended I try some 'white noise' so I found this website and then I discovered an App for my very dodgy phone that not only has white noise but thunderstorms, oscillating fans and heavy rain. They're miracle baby soothers! Keeps her asleep for at least an hour so that I can shower and get ready for the day (or blog, as the case may be).

*the picture is completely irrelevant to the post, but late summer blooms are always nice don't you think?

The only way to get anything done - August break

Home and busy

A couple of weeks before I delivered I had a dream.  Actually to be perfectly truthful it was more like a photograph that became etched in my mind. It was of me sitting on our couch, squashed between Emilia's two set of grandparents with us all staring at my still very present bump.  You see, both my parents and Matthias' parents were due to arrive in Berlin more-or-less on my due date and despite feeling like I was going to deliver a few days early, I kept telling myself it was more likely going to be a few days late.  Matthias' parents could only stay for a few days and if the timing was even just a little bit off there was a  good chance that Matthias' parents would fly home to Vienna having seen nothing more than me and my bump. As the date approached I began to worry that Emilia would be late and there we'd all be, sitting on our couch, drinking tea, talking about the weather and trying to ignore the elephant in the room which was my overly pregnant self and no newborn to hold.

Thankfully, so far Emilia seems to be taking after me in the timing department. She arrived just a little bit early, 24 hours before the first set of grandparents arrived, giving her and her parents a lovely little window of time to get to know each other and recover.  And the birth itself? Perhaps it was the Heubleumen sitzbad, copious amounts of Raspberry Leaf tea or the benefit of good genes (and I rather think it was the latter) but it was quick. Five hours from woe to go.  Two days after she was born and Matthias, Emilia and I walked out of the hospital, through the park and back to our apartment.

Six days later we were back again. At eight days of age Emilia decided to test both her parents by inhaling some milk up her nose. Babies breath through their noses. Curdled milk up the nose means no airway and no airway means not a lot of breathing. Thankfully she screamed and tried very hard to clear it herself. Thankfully her Papa was calm enough to make an educated phone call to the ambulance while her Mama tried patting her back and suck the milk out of her nose. Thankfully babies can be a little bit purple for a lot longer than adults.  And we live close to the hospital (remember that walk home?). Thankfully with a little bit of medical magic in the ambulance and then some more in the Paediatric ward the milk was removed and Emilia turned pink again. Most importantly, thankfully after two days of observation it was deemed to be "just one of those things" and we are now all back home again. 

Home and busy with the bits and pieces that come with getting to know a new little one. My parents are still here and helping out enormously.  As I get more active and Emilia and I find our rhythm I'm hoping to spend a bit more time out and about with them exploring Berlin. In mid-August we will all spend a week in Vienna meeting the rest of Matthias' friends and family and celebrating one very-important birthday and the wedding of a good friend. With all that's going on around here I feel the need to step back abit from this space, but not completely. And so I've decided to join in Susannah Conway's August break - a picture a day, no words - starting on Monday.

Speak to you all in September.

week 1 and 2

Week One

Wow! Two weeks goes quickly when you have little sleep and a new addition to the family! Thank you to everyone who has congratulated, emailed, commented and generally been happy with us on the safe arrival of Emilia.  Our little Berlin-babe is doing well, with a slight hiccough at Day 8 requiring an emergency trip back to the hospital and a two-night stay in the Paediatric ward. Perhaps more on that another day, but now we are back at home and slowly finding a new rhythm to our lives.

Hopefully soon, one day, I'll find enough time to blog AND read some blog posts too!

Week Two

Three

Emilia Rosa

12th July 3:49am

3700gms (8 lbs 2 oz)

Tea Drinking

So you might have noticed that I haven't been blogging as much lately. I've been thinking a bit about why this is so and I don't have a particularly good reason. It just is so at the moment and in the end I've decided not to worry too much about it.

Anyway, I'm still pregnant. Incredibly slow, a little over the bump and embracing Germany's obsession with tea and all things herbal. Of all the strange cultural differences between Australia and Germany the thing that I've found most amusing during my pregnancy is how obsessed Germans are with tea. There is a tea for everything. In first trimester it was ginger tea for nausea. Then there's the general Pregnancy Tea - good for all round pregnancy goodness and filled, I think, with a mix of fennel, raspberry leaf, dandelion and other herbal leaves.

When Germany had it's first burst of hot weather my body decided that retaining all the fluid that I was consuming was a good idea. This resulted in a crazy amount of leg oedema that prevented shoe wearing, precipitated leg cramps and was the general source of a lot of grumpiness in our house. The solution? Yep, tea. Nettle Tea to be precise, and a stronger version Pregnancy Tea against Oedema combined with lymphatic massage and a slow and steady adjustment to the hotter weather.

My hairdresser (the keeper of all good German related information) informed me the other day that I should switch from Peppermint Tea to Fennugreek Tea, as peppermint is bad for breastfeeding whereas Fennugreek Tea is well known to help bring in the milk. Unsolicited pregnancy advice tends to come in the form of Tea recommendations here which I find culturally incredibly fascinating. Better than unsolicited "bump touching" anyway.

Perhaps the most amusing Tea/Herbal remedy that is wildly talked about here is the Heublumen sitzbad (Hay Sitting Bath). This is not a tea, but a steam bath to soften muscles and relax your cervix in readiness for labour. You essentially boil up some Hay in water and then sit your bottom half over the steam. I can't find any information in english about this particular labour preparation technique. But I've decided to embrace it despite it reminding me a little of steaming open an envelope. A Berlin baby deserves the full Berlin experience - Heublumen sitzbad and all!

I make things

I've been told that some women start cleaning towards the end of their pregnancy. Do strange things like get down on their hands and knees and scrub floors, clean the windows or reorganise the basement storage. Not me, although I have thought about how nice it'd be to have clean windows and a polished floor. It's just that I don't want to do it. I'm too preoccupied. I'm making things. It started with a few bibs and some burp clothes and quickly extended to blankets, change mats, hats, pants and of course, little knitting cardigans. 

My patience and reserve for the act of making seems limitless.  No time for all the other things I was going to do with my maternity leave like, ahem, taking photos of summer in Berlin, visit all the museums that have been on my "list" since we moved here two years ago or sorting out my archive of photos and creating a photo album of the last two years.  No, no, no, as soon as I think I might be "done" with my making for a little while, another idea pops into my head. Of course the Bean needs a hat to go with the cardigan or another little blanket or something red or...

I'm 37 weeks today. The Bean is officially ripe and it's anyone's guess when s/he might decided to join us. So if it's a little light-on around these parts it's either because I'm consumed with making things or the Bean has got impatient and decided to come a little early. 

Either way, wishing you all a lovely weekend. 

Leonardo's Elephant

This is possibly the cutest thing that I've made in a little while. It's Susan B. Anderson's Elefant. A link to the pattern is here, ravelry page here.  Yes, it was a little fiddlie at times, but so worth it once it's all sewn up and sitting on a little pile of books... or your bump, as the case may be.

As the name of the post says, this little one is destined for a Leonardo in Turino, Italy where it's a little too hot in the summer to be dressing babies in anything other than nappies and a singlet. Some other handmade goodie was in order and this little softie seemed to fit the bill perfectly. The only problem is that now that he's all sewn up and looking so dandy I'm a little reluctant to give him away.  It's quite possible they'll be another one of these made in the not so distant future - one which will be only too happy to stay at play with my bump in Berlin.

Oh, and I know these pictures are perhaps a little riskque. Lacy underwear! Bare bump! Dear me!?! But honestly, an elephant climbing a bump is also pretty cute and I couldn't resist. More info and pictures (of the elephant, not the bump) can be found on my ravelry page.

I'm still here

I'm still here. The Bean is still kicking around inside me. I'm smiling, Matthias is smiling and the Bean (I believe) is also smiling. Everything is just moving a little slower than it used to and the absence of posts of late is that something had to give. Between work, baby beaurocracy**, doctor's appointments, birthdays, prenatal classes and an unforgiving need to enjoy Berlin's blissful weather I haven't had time to post. The good news is that I have two days left of work before I start maternity leave which means more time for me and hopefully more time for this space.

** At some stage I might consider writing a post on the legal degree that is required to navigate the paperwork involved in having a baby in Germany when you are Australian and your partner is Austrian. There was a moment when we considered getting a lawyer to help us. Many, many hours later I think I understand what we need to do to ensure that the Bean is not left citizenship-less nor becomes an illegal immigrant at the tender age of 6 months. And no I'm not exagerating, the Bean will have a passport and a visa entitling him/her to live in Germany.

little stitches

Teeny, tiny stitches is where I am at the moment. The weather hasn't been that inspirational, photo-taking wise, and if I'm being perfectly honest, even when the sun is shining after a day at work I'm more than  happy to sit on the couch with my magical meditation sticks (knitting needles to some) and knit a few more rows of this or that. Clickity-clack go my needles and thumb, thumb goes the bump. Both make me smile and with legs the size of elephants and a head full of hayfever this is pretty much as good as it gets. 

The end result of all of this sitting, meditating and cosmic nourishing has been a lovely little 'take home' outfit. I've knit the jacket pattern a few times before - it's Twinkle, Vintage Cardigan if anyone is interested in that kind of thing. And the little hat is the Lotus Hat. It's a pain to start but the teeny tiny stitches blossom (no pun intended) beautifully after blocking, so much so that I'm thinking of knitting up another one in white.

Edit: And in a spot of internet organisation that has been missing around these parts of late, I'm linking up to Lisa's Creative Exchange today. Yippee!

Mobiles

It's been a little while since I posted any crafty things around here. It's not for lack of action. I've been prolific at beginnings. Knitting cardigans, continuing this blanket, sewing baby pants and the latest... an Origami mobile. The problem is that I haven't been very good at finishing anything. Anyway, because I'm still really at a wedding Leeds, I thought I'd post about my current obsession with Origami and Kusudama.

I started this last weekend with Matthias. He quickly declared that Oragami was not his thing and left me to make my Cheery Blossom Kusudama. I like it, but it's a little big for the tiny little space I've carved out in our apartment as the Baby's space. So before trying again I've stalked the pages of Etsy and come up with a delicious selection of Origami mobiles to base my "in the making" mobile on. I'm thinking about some kind of combination of #2 and #3, although I'm still in love with the idea of a Kusudama featuring somewhere.  Like I said, it's a work in progress. And if all else fails, I can always just buy one that's already been made by one of these crafty ladies.

1. Rachel Schell  2. Spare Bedroom Studio 3. MamaX2 4. Gin and Rummy

Kick, Push

30 weeks and this baby of mine (for it really now seems too big to be calling a Bean) has reached my ribs. I'm at once thrilled and a little upset about the development as it seems to have coincided with a doubling in leg strength.

I also appear to have misplaced my brain. Sentence construction has become a problem. I said this the other morning and unfortunately this is not an exageration; "I'm going this way. Although I could have gone that way before. I mean I'm not going with you, I need to go here". A-ha?!? Thankfully Matthias is an understanding chap with an amazing ability to filter and interpret what I actually mean and usually only with a small smirk on his face.

And he painted my toenails for me last night. Yep. He even reminded me that I had asked him to do it a few days ago but we hadn't had time yet! You see, I'm off to a wedding this weekend and open toed shoes are the order of the day. The only problem is that I can't really comfortably touch my toes anymore. And so Matthias painted them for me. Sweet, sweet man.

On the pregnancy and motherhood front (for it is nearly Mothers Day afterall), I stumbled across this poetry from Hollie McNish and was immediately struck by it. It is a wonderful portrayal of pregnancy and early motherhood and is refreshingly honest. If you're a new-ish Mum, pregnant or just like interesting prose, have a listen. It somehow seems a fitting way to go into my very last Mothers Day as a non-mother.

Blog Break #3

"Autumn Picnic" by Andi Watkins 

Etsy Shop: AndiWatkins4Sale

"Wine Maker's Bicycle" by photoamato

Etsy Shop: Photoamato

 "A Picnic of Peaches" by ADK Mama

Etsy Shop: adkmama

 

This is what I'm looking forward to come July. Hot weather and a lovely big glass of red wine - something big and bold which lingers on the palate and smells like blueberries and chocolate. And if it takes my fancy, I might have a second glass just to make sure it's okay for everyone else to sample too.  I'm not greedy, I'm more than happy to share, but only after I've checked that the bottle isn't corked.  Perhaps we can pack a picnic or ride our bikes down to the park. We'll watch the sunset, eat roast beef sandwiches and generally have a grand old time.  Sounds like you kind of thing? I'll meet you there. My shout.

Blog Break #2

I'm nesting at the moment.  Cleaning and writing lists and spending insane amounts of time surfing around the internet looking for "things".  Half the time I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, but it's an interesting process trying to work out what one 'needs' and what one 'wants' when welcoming a little person into your world for the first time.

One of my biggest wants was been an wall mural for the Bean's room.  We're planning on turning our currently (small) guest room into Bean's room, but are keeping the guest bed  in there so that we can still have people stay for the weekend. While the Bean is still small I figure s/he won't mind where s/he sleeps and giving up the room up for an aunty, grandparent or dear friend for a night or two won't be too much of a bother. Whether said guest will want to stay in a small apartment with a newborn is another question entirely. But I digress. The wall mural. You'd think finding a gender neutral, not too kitch and bilingual friendly wall mural wouldn't be too hard.  Ha! Guessed wrong. This task has kept me busy for far longer than I'll choose to admit and even had me thinking about designing my own English-German friendly alphabet mural myself.   That was until I stumbled across Rebecca Peragine's shop on Etsy and her website Children Inspire Design.

Rebecca creates all of her artwork from recycled magazines and prints her Number Wall Cards and Alphabet Poster in eleven languages - most of the European languages plus Chinese and Hebrew. I almost did a happy dance when I stumbled on her sight.

Her pictures are simple and cute but not too twee, I like the neutral colours and love the nature theme.  Now I just need to decide whether I should get the Alphabet in English and the Numbers in German, visa versa, the numbers in both languages... oh the possibilities are endless and will keep me nesting unproductively for a little while yet.  

If numbers, language and the alphabet aren't really your thing - Children Inspire Design also create some very cute nature and doll prints too!

Nest Doll Prints

Ladies Day

The preamble to this post is that I took these photos last night while Matthias was working (check him out in the background).  They're for an e-course I'm doing with Vivienne McMaster called You are your own Muse.  To be honest, I've found "getting into" this course difficult - initially there was a lot of talk about 'dialoguing' about our feelings which instantly got under my skin. Is dialoguing even a word?!? And then I took these photos and I had a lot of fun - which I've decided is really what this course is about.  And I posted them on the course's Flickr group and everyone was very supportive.  So now I like the course again. There might be a few more of these photos in the coming weeks, but for now enjoy my little political diatribe for International Women's Day.

I don't often get too political around this space but there is one day every year that I like to celebrate and throw my political hat into the ring. It's International Women's Day - and it's today.  Did you realise?  Did you even know?

This year, even more so that last, I feel extremely lucky to be where I am.  Through luck more than anything else I will deliver my first baby in a country that has some of the most progressive maternity laws in the world.  As soon as I announced my pregnancy in February my job was protected and my ability to come and go as my health dictated assured. At 34 weeks I will begin maternity leave, which will continue up until the Bean's birth and then for 8 weeks postnatally at full-pay. During this time I will have access to a personal midwife, prenatal classes and a return-to-health exercise program all paid for by my state (public) health insurance.  I will deliver in a hospital, free of charge, with access to doctors, nurses, medication and surgery.  After maternity leave I will probably switch over to what is descriptively called "parent money" and me or my partner (or both!) can stay at home and care for the Bean for up to 14 months with part of our salary paid by the state. When I want to return to work, childcare is an affordable and socially acceptable option and my job will be waiting, even if that happens to be 18 months after the Bean is born.  Yes, I am very happy to be living in a country that supports my choice to have both a family and a career.

As much as I love Australia, had I been living there I would be entitled to the "Baby Bonus" of roughly $5000 and payment at the minimum wage for 18 weeks. Following that I would be entitled to up to 52 weeks unpaid maternity leave. Childcare is sufficiently expensive in Australia that if I wanted to return to work I would need to sit down and consider whether it was financially a realistic option. In the US I would have to cross my fingers that I had paid my health insurance and then hope I was living in a state that legislated for paid maternity cover, otherwise I'd be entitled to 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave, if my workplace was covered under the Family and Medical Leave Act.  Alternatively I might be able to apply for "Short Term Disability" Insurance that might cover me for six weeks at 60% pay.  That pregnancy is even considered eligible for short term disability insurance says a lot about how a country's legislators view pregnancy and motherhood.

Of course, it is conceivable that once baby-Bean is born I may never wish to leave his/her side again and will be happy to create, play and learn along side him or her.  As someone who enjoys an academic career alongside my other hobbies I think that this is unlikely, but then again, three years ago so was living in Berlin. However, what I do know and believe is that ultimately equality is about choice and in this instance the opportunity to choose not just between my career OR motherhood, but also to realistically choose the option of a career AND motherhood.  In looking at Australia and the US's current maternity policies I realise that if I was living in either country Matthias and I would have to sit down and have some serious chats about whether a) having a baby was an affordable option b) whether I wanted to continue working post-baby c) the cost of childcare and finally, we would have to weigh-up my desire to continue my academic career with the costs of childcare and the consequences of going back to work full-time, part-time or on a casual  basis to our joint income. Essentially I would be forced to choose between my career and motherhood and Matthias would most likely be forced to take an industry job, rather than a government job which whilst lower paying he finds more enjoyable.  As someone who has had equality and the importance of education and independence drummed into me from a young age I find even the thought of having to make this choice makes me incredibly angry. It also makes me wonder how much of what is being legislated is really about choice, freedom and liberal laissez-faire policies and how much of it is about morality and societal thoughts on the role of women as nurturers and child-rearers.  

I would love very much to provide you with some answers or evidence or something of that note on this topic, but these are merely the musings of my feminist brain today. Happy International Women's Day - hopefully I've sparked some fire in those brain cells of yours and whatever the discussion ,we can come away a step closer to true equality (which is really what today is all about).

I'll be back again with a less political agenda tomorrow!

Ripple Blanket

This is one of the things that has been distracting me lately.  I mentioned last week that I've been stalking baby-blogs and happily creating "lists" of things to make and create for my little July-Bean.  After seeing these beautiful ripple blankets here, here and here I decided that I would make one too.  Actually I think I imagined a beautiful scene with a finished blanket and a happy baby playing on it with the sun shining down on us, perhaps in a park somewhere with a picnic and a Mr Darcy-esque figure in the background riding on his Pony.  Umm, yes, I may have got ahead of myself... and it remains to be seen whether finishing this blanket will instantly transport me into the zen Pride and Prejudice life that I imagine for myself, but Pride and Prejudice or not I am determined to finish it.  

It's probably worth pointing out that while I may knit, I don't really crochet and I re-started this four times before finally working out the pattern.  Currently I'm finishing a row every few nights - yep, it's very slow going but it's keeping me amused and away from the internet's Pregnancy-forums.  I accidentally discovered the forums last week and they are a place you only want to go if you feel like committing pregnancy-suicide and dooming yourself to a week of stress, nausea and panic that your baby-bean will be delivered with two heads, five feet and a purple nose because you ate "x", "y" or "z" by mistake!  It took me 20 weeks to find these forums and now that I've been there I have no intention of going back.

oops

I've been gone from here a little longer than I anticipated.  I forgot that I was heading down to Frankfurt for a conference for 3 days and didn't plan any posts.  Plus I've kinda enjoyed the quiet and space that turning off the computer has given me.  I've been doing lots of things - photo-taking, knitting, a bit of crochet but none of it has turned up here, yet.  Some of the things I've been making are gifts.  Remember this picture from back in November?

Well, three of these Mamas have recently had their babies - two boys and a girl and the fourth is not too far behind.  I've been making and creating sweet little things for Lewis, Hugo and little Clementine, as well as starting a few projects for my own July-Bean.  Yup, I've started nesting, stalking baby blogs like they might disappear overnight - my current favourites are here, here, here and here. 

Tonight an old friend from Australia is coming to stay for a long-weekend city break.  He's currently studying in Oxford and having missed him in Australia last time I was out, I haven't seen him for almost 2 years.  Looking forward to spending evenings sitting on the couch hearing about England, future plans and thoughts on how to rid the world of evil.  I expect I shall return to this Internet space of mine next week with lots of stories and perhaps a few finished projects to show.  Until then.